Filed under: Celebrity, Review, Opinion

According to the dictionary , 'plod' means to walk heavily or move laboriously, to proceed in a tediously slow manner or to work with constant and monotonous perseverance.
Nothing explains the experience of watching 3 hours of Priyanka's 12 avatars better than plodding through.
It was more of wading, dragging on along with the completely predictable scenes,desperately praying for a jump cut to the last scene, which took an excruciatingly 3 hours to materialize.
As a Constant Movie Fan, there is this one simple question to Priyanka - Why?

Ashutosh Gowarikar is 'renowned' for the 'epic length' of his productions, but,thankfully the ones that came around till now had something to look forward to,rather than the glowing signs of the emergency exit in the dark cinema hall. But to stretch a great concept, balanced on a flimsy script and stretch it to levels that border on the bizarre, testing the patience thresholds of the Constant Movie Fan is downright dangerous.

For those who still haven't figured out the Raashee thingy yet, it is this story of Harman Baweja who plays Yogesh Patel, who has this deadline of 10 days to get married - he plans it with meeting a girl from each sun-sign, two meetings a day (that makes it 6),next 3 days to make the big decision,and get married on the 10th day.Great concept, makes it all the more fantastic when you can get one actress to play all the 12 characters.
The potential here is huge.You have the novel 'Kimball Ravenswood' by Madhu Rye to fall back on, in case you get your creative stumbling blocks. And as the director and script-writer, your handful of movies have redefined the Bollywood cinemascape.

Outstanding, till now.

And then you go around and write the sloppiest and the silliest ( painful, but have to say it ) script that could ever be expected of Ashutosh Gowarikar, and he makes sure you endure that for 3 hours.
It is not that you could walk out ant any given point, but you still sit around, partly in disbelief at the half - cooked dough he is trying to pass off as a delectable delicacy, and partly still vainly hoping for the big turnaround that would have you glued to your seat in the next minute. Alas, it never arrives.

Priyanka Chopra does her best. But, plodding through with 12 stories in 3 hours with the same actress that becomes repetitive to the point of mental exhaustion is outright criminal.
But, then again, hey, this will be forgiven, Mr.Ashutosh Gowariker. Regardless of all the invectives that those viewers spat out in the cinema, they will surely return for your next production.That is a given.

But that nagging qestion still remains - Why?

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Filed under: Celebrity, News, Opinion

Either Yash Chopra Productions has that incurable, potentially rare medical condition called the tractors-mustard-fields- flowers-and-terraced-houses syndrome or someone way up in the Production hierarchy has some lug nuts running loose and rolling around in the attic. Because, try as I might, one just cannot make any sense of Rani Mukerjee's new avatar and seemingly comeback vehicle "Dil Bole Hadipaa". In a time where the inane shares more than equal time with the worthy ones, was this more of the 'If you can't beat them, join them' modus operandi which most of the times spell total celluloid devastation? It has been proved once again, hope Rani Mukerjee sits up and takes notice.

There is no need to even point out a simple fact like this to a 40-odd films old veteran of Indian movies, but just for the sake of repetition, here goes Ms.Mukerjee - The Script is Always the King.

No amount of cross-dressing or impersonation can save you, if you don't have a strong script. At least, a method in the madness is absolutely necessary.Without that, its as good as zilch. Hope you know it by now.

Speaking of repetition, yours truly was under the impression that the wide angled stock -shots of mustard fields swathed in yellow, to brightly painted block-terraced houses and impromptu bhangra hoe-downs was cremated along with Veer-Zara, but its good to know that deep inside the walls of India's greatest Love Productions factory, there are people caught in the mushy time-warp.

Regardless of the fact that Wanted was bullets, lead, six-packs, headbands and a little bit of Salman co-ordinating all these - its first week netted close to Rs 36 Crore and is slated to be the biggest hit for 2009. Yours truly honestly believe there was a fair percentage of its viewers opted for the latter after tuning in to their trusted feedback sources.

Veera Kaur/veer Pratap Singh is a great idea. No doubt about it. The only problem was that cross-dressing never made a believable character. If its spell - binding transitions that you were looking around to mold that character, wish you had rented Girl, Interrupted from your local DVD store and watched it, at least,say once.

There is still Kuchee Kuchee Hota Hai to look forward to in 2010, the animated version of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, marking its 10th Anniversary Release.( Seriously, do these ever work? I also wonder what happened to PNC's animated version of SHOLAY).

There is no doubt that Rani Mukerjee put in a lot of hard work, fortitude,energy and enterprise in essaying the role.But, how long can you put up with cheesiness, broken - banter and dazzling costume changes masquerading as a movie script?

Here's wishing sanity prevails, Ms.Mukerjee,and we get to see more on the likes of Black, Bunty and Bubli and KANK as time goes by.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Filed under: Celebrity, News

Remember how her acolytes went about town about Mallika Sherawat slated to play a 'celibate Yogini' in a "Hollywood"(ahem) production tentatively titled The Aquarian Gospel, directed by Drew Heriot, way back in February 2008? I haven't laughed as hard back then, as I did now, and I did this with a cold premonition way back in my heart.

If she can pull off the greatest ropetrick - (the varmala trick ), in front of a gullible 1 billion strong TV audience, she might just about do this too.With that one grand celebration of medicrity on the Idiot Tube, Rakhi Sawant sealed her place under the Sun as the new reigning Queen of TRP's, and if Virgin Mary is what is needed to keep the 'legacy' alive, so be it? Frankly,what is wrong with that, ladies and gentlemen?

As far as the news article goes, "While Rakhi is casting herself as Jesus's mother Mary, she already has a wish list of actors who she would want to play Jesus. "Mother Mary has always been my idol. Ideally, I want Salman or Hrithik to play Jesus. But they won't do it. Kunal Kapoor has the intensity to play Jesus. If I don't get any of them, I'll cast a newcomer."

Sallubhai as Jesus Christ? Heaven help us.

Rakhi ka Swayamwar is long gone off the public memory.So is its successor, Pati Patni or Woh, along with that also went her 'publicly-engaged-Elesh Parujanwala", back to Canada.

So, its back to us, the Gullible Addicts of The Clan of the TV Remote Control and Rakhi Sawant with her Bible project.

All it takes is the time needed for the Idiot tube to beam its publicity promos, right into your living room.

Maybe this borders on the macabre, but can't help thinking,could we expect an item number in between the Wedding scene at Canaan? Or perchance one at King Herod's royal court?

Anything can happen. Strange are the ways of the Lord.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments